Category Archives: Thoughtful Thoughts

R.I.P ProfessorEvil

It’s amazing how sometimes life just smacks you in the face. Today when I signed on to Face Book I didn’t know that the fist thing that I would see is an announcement that one of my friends had passed away. If I had I’m pretty sure I would have still signed on but I’m realistic like that.

My friends name was Rik “Professor Evil” Cary. Though he and I didn’t work the same haunt we had many  mutual friends and many of the same interests. He was always a supportive and fun loving guy and everyone who knew him will miss him. He was the kind of guy who was always willing to give you advice whether it be about how to make a cotton candy cocoon for a haunt, how to make a dress manikin out of duct tape or just how to get through school without killing your classmates.

Part of the reason this hits me so hard is that just a couple of weeks ago we were happily chatting about our next haunts and how we were going to try to set up a sort of event that will help all the home haunters associated with CalHaunts in the area see each other’s haunts. Which is something no one ever gets to do because we’re always busy with our own.

And now he’s gone. Which feels really weird. I won’t lie to you, I am currently crying as I type. It’s very strange because while Rik and I talked many times over the internet we never met in person. But I cared about him and considered him a friend none the less. If I weren’t still reeling from the shock of this loss I might write some deeper thoughts on both loss and how friendship cane occur over any sort of medium but right now I think I’m gonna take some time for myself to greive and to remember a very awesome person who is no longer with us but will always be in the thoughts and hearts of those who’s lives he touched.

If you knew Rik or you are familar with his haunt ProfesssorEvil’s Nightmare than you know how greatly the haunt community and just our every day lives are changed by this news.

ProfessorEvil’s Nightmare


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Beauty, the Beast, and Motivational Posters

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of debate over the various picture collections depicting a group of very thin women and another group of curvy but not obese women and comparing the two. Usually in some way indicating that the thin women are not as attractive as the heavier built women. I’ve seen a lot of different responses to these. Ranging from some people who agree with it, those who are insulted by it (both thin women, curvy women and men alike) and those who are not insulted but would like to see something less biased.

I am not a skinny woman. Nor am I overweight. I’m probably better described as curvy. I also have horrible self image. The first time I saw one of the picture groups that declare curvy women to be more attractive than abnormally thin women I admit I was pleased. I like the idea that someone was boasting the idea of a healthy looking body. But then I saw all the complaints and while some were very badly written and way too overzealous I will admit that some also had a point.

Recently I saw an article where someone had taken classical paintings of nudes and used photoshop to redo the women’s body type to a 21st century standard. Many people were outraged. Not, because he was making classic paintings look bad but because he was implying that skinny women were not attractive. I personally didn’t see where this happened. I thought that some of them looked alright where the women where thinner and some didn’t but I didn’t feel any sort of overzealous need to get irate about it. Honestly, I was more distracted by the fact that their head proportions didn’t get changed to match the bodies so it looked a little boble-headish to me.

This got me thinking though, what’s the real issue here? So I’ve been thinking about it and the following is what I’ve come up with.

1: Sometimes things meant to bolster self esteem of one group tear down the self esteem of another group. Therefore, you have to be careful how you present such things. If you want to bolster the esteem of a specific group, destroying that of another isn’t the way to go because that group will retaliate and if the group whom you are trying to help isn’t full of selfish people they will then feel worse for your attempt because it will have hurt others. Thus the original good feelings they had up until they realized that what made them feel bad hurt others will fade into guilt over feeling good about it.

My suggestion is you try to do something that bolsters confidence in your target audience without alienating other audiences. If what you are presenting can be taken out of context by another group and seen as hurtful without trying too hard you might want to try another approach. That being said we all know there are people out there who are just negative people and will get butthurt over anything so you’re bound to piss someone off. My point here is that you should try to bring people up in a way that dose not rely on bringing others down. Don’t compare and contrast the skinny to the not skinny or the black to the white or the apple to the orange. Try to focus on what it is you are trying to point out about the group you want to make feel good. It may be easier to focus on a comparison to the opposite side of the coin but in the end you will end up hurting more than helping.


2: Context matters people! First of all read the captions or the article attached to any picture so you understand what the message that they are trying to get across is. If they are trying to state that curvy women are not well represented in media and are using pictures of very thin super models to illustrate this and then comparing it to an era that had a trend of more voluptuous models that is much different from them saying that a thin body type is unattractive. Whether or not they get the point across is another issue.


3: Beauty is subjective. Health really isn’t. Beauty, as in what is considered attractive is very much a personal thing. You might like thin willowy women or you might like incredibly curvy women. It’s a personal preference much like ones taste in ice cream flavors. Since that is the case you can’t really get mad at someone for having a differing opinion from you on that matter. Some people like tall women. Others like short ones. Some people like hair on a guys chest. Others don’t. Blonde. Brunet. Blue eyes. Green eyes. Large breasts. Small breast. So one and so forth. We all know what we like. Some of us even like a variety of different looks. So don’t get mad over someone stating their preference and don’t get hurt if that preference dose not describe you. It’s not like you’re trying to impress some random weirdo on the internet.

Health… is not a subjective issue on the other hand. Just as there is such a thing as too fat there is such a thing as too thin. An extreme on either end is not good for you and let’s face it there is a precedent for the stereotype of the anorexic model. It’s a highly competitive business that centers around a person’s looks. Both male and female models often suffer from extreme depression, eating disorders and low self image. This is often due to a variety of social and industry expectations of how they should look, what their measurements should be and so on. It’s not a healthy situation and it’s not helping them to point out this flaw in a way that degrades them.


A Humble Solution:

If you are inclined to make motivational images that depict an ideal of beauty and you truly want to help people remember this simple phrase:

Variety is the spice of life.


Don’t focus on one group. Focus on all of them. Why not show a picture of several healthy looking body types and declare all of them equally beautiful? Why not show the fashion industry and the media that you want to see different types of people walking the runways and on tv?

Tell them, “I want to see a 5’2” 165lb model in an amazing Alexander McQueen dress walk down the New York runway arm and arm with a 5’10 135lb model god dammit because they’re both attractive and human beings come in different sizes, shapes and colors! It’s time you were realistic about us, media people!”


Alternatively make a poster declaring each group individually amazing and beautiful but don’t have the poster involve any other group. Just focus on each of them individually. That way they all get their time to shine and no one else gets hurt.


Maybe I’m too much of an optimist but I like to think that the world can be changed if we just try and if we show each other a little bit of respect when it comes to how beautiful we are.




Posted by on April 6, 2012 in Thoughtful Thoughts


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Some Thoughts on Being Adopted

Growing up, when I told people I was adopted they would always call me a liar. This was in part due to the fact that I look so much like my parents. Also, growing up there was no weird stigma for me over being adopted. I’ve pretty much know since I was old enough to comprehend what the word meant. No secrets. No weirdness. No dramatic story. No yearning for the answer to that ultimate question, “Who am I and where did I come from?” Nothing at all like it is on the television shows.

I wasn’t treated any different in my family than if I had been born to it through the conventional means. There just wasn’t any of that weird “out of place” feeling beyond what any kid growing up would feel. To be honest, I’ve had a pretty normal life.

My mother was unable to have children after my brother Tom was born and she really wanted a daughter so she and my dad decided to adopt. My grandmother, Bernice helped with the adoption. From what I can tell she knew my biological mother. I’m not sure exactly how. However it was she helped with the adoption.

Now why I was being given up for adoption is for the most part still shrouded in a certain amount of mystery. What I know is that my birth parents were either divorced or at the very least not still dating when I was conceived and that I was probably conceived at one of their on-again junctures. I apparently also have biological siblings running around somewhere out in the world. Which is a weird thought to me for some reason. Aside from this information all I know is that my birth mother gave me up because apparently where ever she was living was not a good place to raise a child. Or something along those lines. I’ve never been particularly interested in it. Which mystifies most people who ask me about it.

So on August 21st, 1980 my adoptive mother gets a call saying I was born. Though the doctor tried to convince her to change her mind. Something about how I was funny looking and how I looked sick and so on. From what my grandmother said it was because there was another family, friends of the doctor, who were trying to adopt me. My mother told him to shove it and that she didn’t care what I looked like. And she and my father drove up from San Jose to some rest stop half way between there and Coos Bay, Oregon and were given me by some person in a dark parking lot. Which sounds super shady but I assure you that it was totally legal and all squared away.

Oddly, knowing all this I’m still not too interested in finding my birth parents. Mostly it’s just I’ve always had the parents I’ve had and it’s not some big tragic story of how I remember my old life with other people. I’m also pretty sure knowing who they are isn’t going to do much to change who I am as a person. Sure it’d be nice to know a bit about things like medical, ethnic and historic background but really I’m more interested in the information on an  academic level. That’s not to say that I would be opposed to meeting the people who gave me birth. It’s just not something that keeps me up at night wondering who I am and all that jazz the TV shows like to imply all adopted kids do.

Well anyways, I figured I’d share that with you. Since it passed through my brain a bit ago as something that would be interesting to write.


Posted by on February 17, 2012 in Thoughtful Thoughts


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